Lewie's Life Lessons

Life has taught me to fight! Anything good or worth having is worth fighting for. Nothing comes easy that’s worth having long term. I feel like the past few weeks have been one of the most exhausting seasons of fighting I’ve experienced. (one of them haha). Seems like I’m getting it from all sides and every direction. One thing fades and the next takes over. It’s like one man fighting an army but they won’t all come at once….it’s one really tough one and then he tags out with another and then two jump in and they keep tagging and I’m exhausted. And I’m sure you’re tired of reading about it lol. Today my head and heart was all over the place…..my opponent! “In the gloom corner low self worth”. I fight blow for blow but I keep hitting air for every punch he lands. I’m out of breath my eyes are swollen shut. My face is bleeding my hands are sore and my heart is bruised. And self-esteem and worth seem to be scarred from where they were onced seemingly tattooed on my fists. No where to be found.

Feels as though there’s some people that really just don’t realize how much they affect you. You give yourself away and it’s not really thought twice about. You put your life on hold or give up your time……just to be the last thought for someone else…..at least it feels that way on these days. The old worn out me is replaced with the new shiny glimmering thing that boasts of its greatness. Well I’m just old and worn….there’s no boasting left.
The thing is theres not a lot of shine to my love. Not a lot of glamour to my life. It’s got holes in the knees and scrapes and dents. It’s got marks and stains and dirty corners. It cries and it laughs hysterically. My love embarrasses you in public and boasts about you when you’re not around. It gives more than it takes and most of the time wouldn’t really want it any other way. No it isn’t beautiful all the time, but it’s all of me.

So there’s those days where (even though it’s not true) I start to believe the lies That I’ve trained myself to fight. I’m worthless, replaceable, pointless, unnoticeable, not valued. Overlooked. There’s nothing that I have to offer that will ever stand up to the next person.

We have to realize how untrue these things are that we hear in our heads. Those of us who were taught from an early age the rejection is just gonna be a staple in your life so get used to it. I feel like sometimes we set ourselves up for it even when it’s not there. There’s two sides that come to mind…..some days I’m the guy who’s been abused soo much that I think thats all I’m worth and it’s all I’ll accept. I seem to even put myself in the abuse just because I’ve train myself to be attracted to it. I’m good at being a martyr.. That’s stupid. Or I’m the other guy who has been abused so i run from every good thing thinking that all the bad and rejection is just hiding in the corner waiting on the right moment to break me down……..such a manly post right?! Haha well lately I’ve been broken and it seems like it always only takes one or two people to do it. And we always dwell on those people even though there’s a dozen to show you the opposite. When I was overwhelmed with this blackness earlier I was dwelling on ridiculous emotional silliness and the words to a song I used to sing in church came to mind

“turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full at his wonderful face.
Then the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace”

Wow. So true. Look above and it puts everything in perspective. Not just to notice the people around me but to also give people more benefit of the doubt and less expectation and power. I have to remember that everyone is doing the best with what they have and it’s just not always going to be me at the top of the priority list. But I have to not ignore the times when I am. We are all waking miracles. Valuable. Precious. Glorious. Little bitty pieces of God. Time we started acting like it and stop sulking in lies of self pity and worthlessness.

I’m writing this tonight knowing and hoping that someone will read it that needs to hear this. Needs to be reminded to believe in themselves. To not put all their worth in the hands of another person. To love hard and let love in when it comes. To embrace some of the hurt to acknowledge all the greatness of life. You are who you decide you are and life is only what you make of it. So make it so ridiculously full of joy and love and value and God. That it spills over into everyone and everything……everyday!

All it takes is just that little bit in the corner with the coach. Get your head in the fight, cover yourself and wait for the right opportunity to strike. Throw that combo and there it is. Just what you’ve been capable of the whole time…..knockout!

AND THE WINNER IS…….. You…..

We all have been that kid at the pool with the friends…..the one that you really just don’t like but hang out with anyways because your parents like to sit by the pool because they’re friends so you have to be. And then there’s the dare! “I can hold my breath under water longer than you”. And the challenge is on. You go under and you hold your breath as long as you can. Egging yourself on….”you can do this. It’s all in your head. A little longer. You gotta win. Stay calm. You can control this.” all the while your body is screaming for oxygen….the longer you stay under the more your lungs are wanting to inhale. The more your mouth wants to just take control and breath for you. So finally when you can’t hold it anymore and your limbs finally begin to flail bringing you up to the surface and there’s that split second of doubt….. I’ll never reach the surface…I was under too long.. I can’t make it……I’m drowning. And then you shoot out of the water and take that breath. That breath that seems so valuable now that you’ve been without it. That relieving breath of fresh air.

I hate not being in control, I want everything my way and there’s so much that I just don’t understand and it’s frustrating and miserable sometimes. Relationships confuse me…..sickness confuses me…..being hurt by someone. Trust. Belief. Healing. Faith. Truth. Understanding. Jealousy. Heaviness. Overwhelming emotions……sometimes I feel like that kid again. Sitting at the bottom of the pool drowning in everything that surrounds me….but refusing to give. Inside I’m screaming but my face stays calm. Steadfast. Strong. I must win. I can do this…..a little longer. Stay calm. It’s all in your head. I stay strong for my friends. I stay strong for my students. I stay strong for my family. I stay strong so that others don’t always have to be. But eventually I need to breathe. I need to reach for the surface and just admit that I can’t hold my breath any longer. I can’t control everything. I must submit to the necessity to breathe….but what if it’s too late. There’s that split second where you think this is too much. I’m overwhelmed…I can’t handle it anymore. I’m drowning.

I’ve noticed something though….and it’s the reason for my challenge. You never quit trying in that split second. Even though the fear for an instant is there……there’s also that part of you that says to keep pushing. You’re about to break through. This water can’t hold you down. Just a little further and then you can breathe again. You never give up. I feel sometimes surrounded on every side with something. There’s always something. If its not medical it’s financial……if its not financial it’s relational….if its not relational its professional…..or it’s all of it……or it’s just me. I have to realize that in these moments when I’m surrounded….when I’m suffocating. The only time I’ll ever lose is if I stop swimming. If I stop fighting for air. If I give in to the doubt that says……I won’t make it. Then I don’t. We have to know that we aren’t drowning. We are stronger than we think and there is a bigger picture. I may not understand everything but I still believe. I may hurt but I’ll heal. I may not have a song right now but I will sing again. I may not be very strong right now but I. Am. Strong. Enough! And more importantly God is stronger. I will not be kept down. I will reach for joy. For peace. It’s right there! I can see it. The things you’re swimming through may be deep. May take your breath away but always remember how close you are to the surface. To that breath of fresh air.

My challenge sounds a lot like a Pixar movie but it’s………just keep swimming. Theres nothing in this world that can keep you down when your determined to breathe. We only lose when we don’t fight. I refuse to drown in shallow waters….this is not enough to take me.. I’m too big and these problems I face, no matter how deep, are never deep enough to destroy me because I will not be destroyed. That is what I believe for myself and what we should all believe for ourselves. Be encouraged my friends. Life sucks sometimes. We lose friends, we lose position, we lose faith. There’s death, there’s heartbreak, there’s tears. But theres still God and dont count yourself out. somehow all it takes is that one last push to break that surface and all of a sudden life rushes in and you feel it infiltrate every part of you. Giving you what’s been missing all along. And then you breathe deeper than you did before. Everything is brighter. The sun feels a little warmer and you’re alive……somehow you’re still going. Another day …….Breathing still :)

I remember when I was a kid, I always believed in the myths….the supernatural. The magic of the world. I always believed that somewhere in the world there were still dragons. That there were wizards and secret worlds. I have a lot of faith. I believe easily. I believe in people easily…… Nowadays it seems like the myths have shifted. Where I used to believe in dragons and no one else did now its loyalty. It’s joy and happiness and trust. Honor code. Brotherhood…..seems we’ve let things go extinc we never expected. Our culture is lost on these things. They aren’t taught….they aren’t honored…..they aren’t rewarded. How many times have I bent over backwards for years just to be replaced with something better. How many times lying would’ve been so much easier.

It’s every man for himself now. The motto of the world seems to be “you watch my back, I’ll watch my back”

One thing I do know is that most of the time people are who they’re taught to be. Loyalty is dying because the loyal keep learning that it doesn’t pay anymore. Truth is overlook for whatever will seem better. And the few that remain true to character are kept like pets…. As valuable to your health as water and just as easily overlooked. Character is the good stuff. The fruits and veggies in the diet. The water instead of the soda. And we stuff ourselves with sweet knowing very well it’s only fattening us up. Readying us for death. I’m tired of being the stuff that gets thrown away.

Im challenged to find a way to make good character, truth, loyalty, selflessness more aggressive. We’ve got to teach more. Reward the good. Uplift the honorable. Shine a spotlight on excellence instead of talent and good looks.

I will keep true to my vows and my beliefs. Even when it hurts. Even when I feel alone or betrayed or belittled. Not good enough whatever. Because I know the good guy wins. Maybe not always the way we think but he does. It always pays to do right. To bless others. To love others with our whole hearts. To risk being small so someone else might not have to. It’s worth it.

We have to grasp this world changers! We can’t grow weary in well doing. We cant sit in discouragement because then we lose. The only way we can be overcome is if we don’t fight. If we don’t stand. There is no getting better if we are not first prepared to stand for it. We remain constant so we can keep changing for the better. So we can change the world………everyday :)

Working on a writing project but I’ll be back with the blogging soon :)

   I’ve made decisions in my life. The man I am and the things that I do….the way I treat my friends and loved ones. The way I treat strangers and the way I handle stress and the way I argue or choose not to argue……the way I carry myself. I made decisions. I without much prompting and a lot of seeking a higher power decided to be who I am. To not be the product of the negatives in my life…..but to make the most out of the life I have. I alone decided to be the best friend I could be. The best leader I could keep striving to be. A good listener… A good follower. A loyal companion. I alone decided.  But for some reason….even though I decided. Even though I made this deal with me, myself and I and God to be who I am and keep striving to be better and happier. I still find myself acting like I made this deal with others…..I act as though the people around me are in on this pact with me and their breaking their part of the deal.

   Here’s what I’m saying….I’m typically a pretty laid back guy. I’m high strung on the inside but I mellow out myself mostly because I try to prioritize and I realize alot of the stresses in life are due to not being able to handle your emotions in wisdom and in sound mind. But every now and then I’m selfish. I want attention. I want the pat on the back. I want to be told I’m good at something. I want to be encouraged because that’s the type of friend I am. Because I decided to be that person. So if I know it was my decision to be this way then why do I get so frustrated when others don’t.  This is what I’m learning right now….This lesson of being who I am……even if I’m one of the only ones. Which I’m not saying I am….I’m talking about those times when emotions tell me that I am

 We tend to be a people that have a lot of unspoken expectations on people. We do things because we choose to do them but in secret we expect everyone around us to comply to the way we do things and when compliance isn’t the case we end up frustrated that people don’t do what we expect……but really we’re frustrated cuz people don’t do things like we do them…..because people aren’t like us. Well today I’m reminding myself to remake some decisions….and I challenge all my friends who read these blogs (all two of you ha ha)  I want to be nice even when the people closest to me aren’t. I want to speak softly when others choose to yell. I want to keep a level head when my friends are unjustly harsh. I want to be thoughtful even when I’m ignored……I want to ask if every thing’s ok even though when I needed it…you didn’t. I want to choose to be a Man of character even though its hard. Even though it means saying no to the parts of me that are wanting to pursue sefishness. The parts that say take what you want because the good guy always finishes last……I’ll choose to believe that even if I finish last it will be a worth it to finish with a clear conscience and a level head on my shoulders.  I alone will choose…..and hope others follow. But even if not….I will continue to choose. Even when it hurts and I’m crying myself to sleep…..I will continue to choose. Even though whatever…..I still will. Because I’ve seen life on both ends and I’ll say it a million times that nothing compares to this side of thinking. 

So don’t grow weary in doing good things. Dont get frustrated when people seem to overlook you. You wont always be recognized….You won’t always get the glory when you’re so busy giving it away. But it’s worth it to know the kind of man/woman  you are. I’d rather sit in the background lifting others up than tear others down spending my whole life waiting for someone to look my way. And I believe my life and the quality of my relationships will speak for themselves. So everyone must choose. YOU choose the life you live. You alone make your own decisions on who you are and what you become and what YOU allow to break you. Where you find your strength and where you place your trust. You alone…. can be the difference that makes a difference…..so choose….and change.  

Change the world…..everyday:)

  I’ve got a few bullies in my life. I wasn’t always this way but now i’m typically a person that will shrink somewhat in order to accommodate someone else. I value myself and I see myself as important but typically I’ll place myself as second to whoever is around me. Because I value people…..but I’ve got a few bullies in my life. And lately I’ve been very beat up and hurt by some people that I really would like to not be hurt by….Lately I’ve been fighting to not lose myself playing second and taking crap that I don’t deserve. Lately I’ve been silent not because It’s time to be silent but because I’m scared of being embarassed or picked on or yelled at or misinterpreted….lately….i’ve felt bullied…but I’m remembering some things….I’m remembering who I am. I remembering a good friend of mine calling me a force of nature. I’m remembering the impact I have on people. I’m remembering that i am powerful. I’m remembering what I believe in God and what that makes me believe in myself..I’m remembering what my life revolves around and i’ve made a decision. It’s time to strip some people of their authority in my life. It’s time for me to let go. 

Sometimes there are those battles that need to be fought in order for you to come out of on the other end stronger and bigger and sometimes……there’s these wars (or should I say pests) that bug us and bug us and we give way too much attention to them. We let someone push us around or make us feel worthless or hurt us when we need to remember that we are all giants in our own way. I’m a giant and I don’t have time for this. This isn’t something that even deserves a fight…..it’s simply time for me to start overlooking you. In grade school you stood up to the bully to show yourself and him what your made of. but now…..I’ve got nothing to prove and it;s just a waste of my valuable time to dwell on the words of fools. To get lost in things that hurt when I’ve got so much else to focus on. 

Friends remember how valuable you are and don’t let yourself be bullied or pushed around or lessened. Remember you are all giants with the potential to change your circumstances and your world around you……everyday :)